Friday, August 14, 2009

Time To Take A Break

The last few months have been difficult, I'll admit that. I've tried to keep up with my exercise classes and running but I acknowledge the time has come to take a break. This has NOT been an easy decision to get to but I see that my running has totally taken a dive. It's hard to keep a running blog when ya can't even run. =/

Last week I planned to run a 5k race. I knew it would be a toughie but I wanted to see my friends. This was their chance to really kick my butt (ok, they always kick my butt anyway). The alarm went off, my head was pounding as usual. Laid back down 3 times after the snooze kept going off. The nausea taunted me, I knew I couldn't go. My husband knew I wasn't feeling well if I was skipping a race and he pulled me close, telling me everything would be fine. We don't get too many cuddly mornings, so I nestled in and went back to sleep.

I woke up about 8:30 and decided I'd meet up with Elizabeth for the last couple miles of her 14 miler. By the time I actually found her, she only had about a quarter mile to go. I hopped out of my car thinking a quarter mile would be easy. Wrong. I could not believe how I was feeling. I knew then I probably needed a break, but I pushed the thought from my mind.

Elizabeth did her 14 miles in 2:22! She averaged a pace of 10 minutes and she looked FABULOUS when she was done. We went back to her house to get her dogs and went for a walk as her cool down. I feel so proud of her, training like she is. But I feel sad sometimes because not long ago I could've kept up with her. I've been telling myself I would catch up and run the marathon in December with her, but I know I can't. Just typing those words bring a lot of emotion.

Anyway, by Sunday I was still nauseous, headachey etc. Usually by noon or 2pm I'm feeling much better, but this time it was hanging on. Monday was worse. I couldn't even eat. By Tuesday I couldn't even stand. It was a vicious circle...headache/nausea kept me from eating and drinking and being dehydrated made it all worse. I called my doc, he was concerned the spinal tap last month had something to do with it and told me to go back to Tampa. My husband agreed but I just didn't want to go!

By 9pm I decided to go. It was ugly, I won't go into all of that but I will say this: IV meds are soooooo good! The doc gave me some dilotted (? spell) Ohhhhhh....I loved it. They wanted to do another spinal tap but didn't because if my last one was part of the problem, it wouldn't be wise to do another. As if I'd have let them. I have many tests pending, answers should be coming in soon anyway. Some tests say MS, some do not. The Tampa doc wants all test results before he makes any diagnosis, so he has not told me a thing. I'm still hoping for a vitamin deficiency (HA)

This has all been going on for a year. I could run through muscle pain and cramps. I could run through twitches and muscle weakness. I could get back up when I fell. I honestly tried to keep going, but I can't run through fatigue and nausea. The headaches are worse in the morning/early afternoon, so I was hopeful about running in the evening. It's hard to run with a headache though. The meds I take for that leave me kinda..."high". I'd probably fall and break a leg if I tried to The headaches aren't really going away anymore either. I'm curious to know if I'm having seizures during the night???

All of this means it's break time. I told my husband I feel like I'm giving up! Bobby says it's not giving up, it's focusing on my health instead. He's right. He says I'll get it all back. I'm going to hold him to that! So for now I'll go cheer on my friends at the races. I'll be supportive of my friend Elizabeth, who I KNOW will R-O-C-K that marathon in December!! I'll come in here and read all your blogs. I realized I'd been avoiding your blogs. As much as I love reading them and cheering all of you on during your trainings, it was making me sad. I selfishly avoided reading them and I'm sorry.

I'll be around so keep up with all those training runs!!! I really do care!!! I am on FaceBook and I'd love to be connected to you all. Just search Kim Cusick. Let me know your blog name though, because I don't add people I don't know.

Steve, as much as I REALLY REALLY wanted to run that half up in Boston in Oct with you, I'm going to have to skip it this time. But stay tuned, I will be back! Let me know if you're still running it. I'm hoping to be up there in Oct for my 25th high school reunion, so I can cheer you through the finish line if you run it!!!!!!

They took the couch out of my exercise classes! I used to go in and lay on the couch while everyone exercised. That way I was still maintaining my "being there" even when I wasn't actually doing anything. Lately I've been laying on a yoga mat and doing most of the exercises. I'll probably still do that. The group doesn't seem to

Ok, keep running. Keep blogging, I'll be reading them! Stay in touch because I WILL be back.