Friday, August 14, 2009

Time To Take A Break

The last few months have been difficult, I'll admit that. I've tried to keep up with my exercise classes and running but I acknowledge the time has come to take a break. This has NOT been an easy decision to get to but I see that my running has totally taken a dive. It's hard to keep a running blog when ya can't even run. =/

Last week I planned to run a 5k race. I knew it would be a toughie but I wanted to see my friends. This was their chance to really kick my butt (ok, they always kick my butt anyway). The alarm went off, my head was pounding as usual. Laid back down 3 times after the snooze kept going off. The nausea taunted me, I knew I couldn't go. My husband knew I wasn't feeling well if I was skipping a race and he pulled me close, telling me everything would be fine. We don't get too many cuddly mornings, so I nestled in and went back to sleep.

I woke up about 8:30 and decided I'd meet up with Elizabeth for the last couple miles of her 14 miler. By the time I actually found her, she only had about a quarter mile to go. I hopped out of my car thinking a quarter mile would be easy. Wrong. I could not believe how I was feeling. I knew then I probably needed a break, but I pushed the thought from my mind.

Elizabeth did her 14 miles in 2:22! She averaged a pace of 10 minutes and she looked FABULOUS when she was done. We went back to her house to get her dogs and went for a walk as her cool down. I feel so proud of her, training like she is. But I feel sad sometimes because not long ago I could've kept up with her. I've been telling myself I would catch up and run the marathon in December with her, but I know I can't. Just typing those words bring a lot of emotion.

Anyway, by Sunday I was still nauseous, headachey etc. Usually by noon or 2pm I'm feeling much better, but this time it was hanging on. Monday was worse. I couldn't even eat. By Tuesday I couldn't even stand. It was a vicious circle...headache/nausea kept me from eating and drinking and being dehydrated made it all worse. I called my doc, he was concerned the spinal tap last month had something to do with it and told me to go back to Tampa. My husband agreed but I just didn't want to go!

By 9pm I decided to go. It was ugly, I won't go into all of that but I will say this: IV meds are soooooo good! The doc gave me some dilotted (? spell) Ohhhhhh....I loved it. They wanted to do another spinal tap but didn't because if my last one was part of the problem, it wouldn't be wise to do another. As if I'd have let them. I have many tests pending, answers should be coming in soon anyway. Some tests say MS, some do not. The Tampa doc wants all test results before he makes any diagnosis, so he has not told me a thing. I'm still hoping for a vitamin deficiency (HA)

This has all been going on for a year. I could run through muscle pain and cramps. I could run through twitches and muscle weakness. I could get back up when I fell. I honestly tried to keep going, but I can't run through fatigue and nausea. The headaches are worse in the morning/early afternoon, so I was hopeful about running in the evening. It's hard to run with a headache though. The meds I take for that leave me kinda..."high". I'd probably fall and break a leg if I tried to The headaches aren't really going away anymore either. I'm curious to know if I'm having seizures during the night???

All of this means it's break time. I told my husband I feel like I'm giving up! Bobby says it's not giving up, it's focusing on my health instead. He's right. He says I'll get it all back. I'm going to hold him to that! So for now I'll go cheer on my friends at the races. I'll be supportive of my friend Elizabeth, who I KNOW will R-O-C-K that marathon in December!! I'll come in here and read all your blogs. I realized I'd been avoiding your blogs. As much as I love reading them and cheering all of you on during your trainings, it was making me sad. I selfishly avoided reading them and I'm sorry.

I'll be around so keep up with all those training runs!!! I really do care!!! I am on FaceBook and I'd love to be connected to you all. Just search Kim Cusick. Let me know your blog name though, because I don't add people I don't know.

Steve, as much as I REALLY REALLY wanted to run that half up in Boston in Oct with you, I'm going to have to skip it this time. But stay tuned, I will be back! Let me know if you're still running it. I'm hoping to be up there in Oct for my 25th high school reunion, so I can cheer you through the finish line if you run it!!!!!!

They took the couch out of my exercise classes! I used to go in and lay on the couch while everyone exercised. That way I was still maintaining my "being there" even when I wasn't actually doing anything. Lately I've been laying on a yoga mat and doing most of the exercises. I'll probably still do that. The group doesn't seem to

Ok, keep running. Keep blogging, I'll be reading them! Stay in touch because I WILL be back.



Mel-2nd Chances said...

I can sense the sadness in your post, Kim, but your hubby is totally right, you will be back, kickin' ass and taking names. you're not giving up, and your health is your biggest priority right now (along with your grandson that makes you smile...). sending lots and lots of Canadian hugs... :D Please keep us posted, and hang in there, you're a tough mama, you've already proved that.

KimsRunning said...

Mel, if anyone understands I know it's you. You are my inspiration. Look at you!!!

Thank you Mel...xoxoxo

Regina said...

It's so frustrating when our bodies don't respond the way we are used to or expect them to. It kind of gives me new respect for my grandmother who was sharp in mind, but her body continued to fail her.

On a very small scale comparison (and by no means the same as what you are going through), I've been told to keep off running for two weeks (my back) and so I go to Central Park to watch runners, to stay motivated, but it is hard and I am jealous. So I understand your apprehension in reading our blogs.

I'm continuing to keep you in my prayers and hope that whatever has been ailing you turns out to be a simple fix. You are so lucky to have a husband that understands and is "on your side". Focus on your new pride and joy, your grandson, and I am sure you find some happiness to replace that hole in your running life.

I'll definitely look you up on FB, Regina Chiu (hence Chiu On This). Continued good luck and happiness!

B.o.B. said...

I am sorry you are not going to make your runs, but your health really is so important. If you kept running you would get worse and end up losing your love for it. I'll be checking back. Please keep us updated on your life anyway! Get well soon.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Kim, soooo sorry to hear about this latest setback! But hang in there, kiddo, you'll pull through and be right as rain soon enough. You've certainly goy the spunk to do it and, considering all you've been through, the positive attitude.

I think that's key, here: attitude. Your outlook can be a help or hindrance. Do your best to make it a help!

And don't give a second thought to reading others' blogs - if it makes you sad or wistful, you're right to stay away. Don't risk it just out of some unjustifiable sense of guilt. We understand that it is hard to read about somebody else celebrating things that you yourself want to do but can't - at least not right now.

So ... think of yourself and keep your distance from anything that might bring you down.

Best of luck, Kim! We all miss you!

P.S. I don't do InYerFacebook because Teh 'bride is convinced it's evil.

joyRuN said...

Your hub's right - focus on YOU & your health, girl.

Don't feel bad about anything.

And it's Dilaudid. My patients seem to really like the stuff too ;)

Cami Checketts said...

You are so smart to take a break, but I understand how miserable and hard it is!
Take care of yourself,

Sherry said...

Oh, Kim... I just don't even have the words. Knowing you in person, I know how difficult this is for you. I've seen it on your face.

Let's try to get together on a day when you're feeling 'ok'. We can just go for some tea/coffee or lunch... and chillax a bit.

I think of you often and hope for speedy results for you. You have suffered long enough.

Big hugs!

Steven Cohen said...

You take care of you, and that's good enough. I'm going to choose a different halfM anyway, because I have Army duty the day of Bay State. Look forward to reading more when there's more to say!

cami said...

Hi Kim,

I'm new to your blog and I was very saddened to learn about what you've been going through. I hope you'll get some encouraging news soon from your doctor. And, most importantly, I hope you start feeling better soon!

Take care and God Bless,


Danielle in Iowa said...

Aw Kim, take care of yourself!

Time off is frustrating but never the end of the world.