I mentioned a few posts ago about my method of running. I had talked with my coach, Jim about a week ago about how I didn't think I was a "real" runner because I am so lax about about it. Half the time I forget my watch, the other half I forget to time myself. Never mind the fact that I have NEVER remembered to hit the stop watch thingy on my watch. Jim listened as I talked (just one of the things I like about this guy)...and I was telling him how I don't time anything. I walk when I feel like it, I run when my legs start back up. It's a mindless method. There are times when I don't realize I've walked until I've started running again. The distance I set out to run is never the distance I wind up doing. Ever. Sometimes it's shorter, sometimes it's longer. I just never really know what I'm in for.
If I'm running with someone, I don't think twice about stopping to walk so I can enjoy the conversation. (this drives Mike CRAZY, which is why I do it when I run with him....haha). Running with Jim is an experience. He is a coach by nature, I learn something new every time we run. I walk away from those runs with a confidence only a great coach can bestow so effortlessly.
During my first couple months of training for the Sarasota Marathon with Jim, one thing that stuck in my mind was him telling me to always pay attention to my body signals. He said I'd learn to recognize the cues for when I needed a walk break and when it was time to run again. Jim said so much of it is mind over matter and believing I could do it. I had to learn to run through some stuff, like laziness, boredom or just plain not being in the mood to run. Getting the breathing down was probably the most difficult part for me. There were times when I thought I'd faint from lack of air, but I'd hear Jim's voice telling me to walk until I could breath again. It was like getting "permission" to rest a bit. I realized pretty quickly into the training that it was MUCH more enjoyable to let myself build up the endurance, rather than running until I hated it.
As I began to see that I could run for longer periods of time without stopping, I felt such a feeling of pride in myself that I learned to use this as fuel. Distance became my main focus. Endurance was what I was training for. I wanted to LEARN how to run 26.2 miles in under 5 months. I did get a few looks of utter disbelief. And I had my moments of self doubt, but luckily I had a coach who would remind me I was the captain. It was going to be up to me, so I'd pull it back together.
Jim set the pace for 12 minute miles in the beginning. I never did learn that pace, I kind of went with about an 11 mm. As soon as I told him I had the 11mm down, he said to go to 10 mm. Jim thought this would be a good pace for the marathon. It would get me a decent finishing time without killing me. He was right. I loved that marathon. I enjoyed myself immensely. I met a lot of fantastic people along the way and I didn't feel like I was dying until mile 23....lol. (I did snap out of it fairly quickly though)
Another very smart thing Jim taught me, was that all I really wanted to do for my first marathon was FINISH. He said the next marathon would only be better if I took that perspective. I admit I didn't really feel that way until about mile 2 of the marathon. I wanted to finish in 5 hours but Jim wouldn't even answer me when I asked if I could. He said try for 6 hours. I was mad at him for that....lol. I thought it meant he didn't believe I could do it. At mile 2 of that marathon it hit me for what it really was. He didn't want me to feel any pressure. He knew I'd never have another first marathon and he was trying to tell me to enjoy it for what it was. He actually said those words but my stubborness blocked it out until mile 2. I could almost hear him say it again right at that moment and I felt a relaxation that surprised me. I swear, I think I smiled every step of that 26.2 miles. Except at mile 23, but within 10 minutes I was smiling again. (I think...lol)
I told you THAT, to tell you THIS...
I learned that (almost) every step can be enjoyable. It even works with my life motto, which is...MY LIFE IS WHAT I MAKE OF IT. (my other motto is EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE) That means, if I'm feeling miserable, I have the choice to let go of whatever it is that's bothering me and have a great day, OR...I can embrace the misery and lose an entire day of my life. Anyone who knows me, knows I am happy 98% of the time. I guess it's only natural that this would tie into my running too.
Yesterday at the Minnie 15K, I felt this. I had not been able to run for almost 2 months because of the flexor. I have run 3-4 times in the last week or two, 4 miles being the longest run. With lots of walking. I had no idea how I would do in the 15K. I worried I'd lost all my endurance, I worried about my flexor being reinjured, I worried about having to pull out because of those things. But once again, when the starting gun went off and I began to run, something happened. As I put one foot in front of the other, I paced my breathing first like I always do. I had my iPod on this time and I had the volume on low so I could talk to Cindy. I had to find a slower pace because it was so crowded, so it was easy to just tell myself to enjoy. I looked around at all the other women, some were mom/daughter teams, some sister/sister, some were groups. Every shape, size, color and speeds. I felt the kinship immediately. I was so happy I was running after the flexor injury. I was so happy my family was sleeping soundly at the hotel.
Once again I took the time to take it all in. I heard Jim's voice telling me I'd be fine. Friday we ran a trial 5K and afterward he told me I was a strong runner, that I'd do well. That came back to me in the first 10 minutes of the race. I felt peaceful, which is a weird thing to be feeling in a 15K race, but it's true. The conversation I had with my coach that day about my not feeling like a "real" runner came back to me too. Jim said I AM a true runner, I just choose to enjoy it. He said I took what I needed from my training and I use it to fit my running.
I've been thinking a lot about this, since I haven't been able to run I've had the time to think. And I think it goes back to my coach. Right from the start he trained me to enjoy running. Jim's method of coaching is to instill confidence and comfort. I'm not the only one to see this. Quite a few people have told me how much they get out of Jim's training whether it's personal training, running or even fitness of all levels. He's even tempered, calm and reassuring. He has a straight forward attitude that is mixed with just the right amounts of teaching, positive encouragement and discipline that makes us believe in our own abilities. So it's no wonder that I have taken my own road to my personal running goals. Between Jim's easy going words of encouragement and my own longing to enjoy ALL of my life it's only natural for me to find the joy in running.
Today I am tired and sore and...yes...very happy. I feel good about myself and I'm back to running. I have more goals, like running Boston someday. Honestly, I think it will be 2010 but that's ok. I have plenty of time to reach that goal. I also think it would be VERY cool to run that particular race with my coach. I haven't told him that part yet though.....lol. Just seems fitting since it's because of him I am a runner, don'tcha think????
This post was prompted by my friend Sherry's blog post. http://www.blogger.com/profile/02082457871394785441 Sherry was bitten by the "I'm gonna enjoy this gift" bug on Saturday while volunteering for the TriAmerica series. (and she thought that bug was a noseeum). Sherry has been training for her first triathalon since October and was feeling a whole lot of emotions during Saturday's race. She met someone who she saw as a wonderful athlete. He took the time out of his race to wish her luck and tell her she'll do a great job. I felt it in her post when she said she realized at that moment that she had a choice to race hard or to stop and smell the flowers along the way, and she "chose the latter". Sherry wants to enjoy her first triathalon next week. She wants to come away from it knowing she's an athlete, that she can finish what she set out to do. All of us who know her already know she'll do that. But it was the words of that man that struck her soul. Made her understand that what she is going to do that day is wayyy deeper than finishing her first tri with a good time. It's about an inner feeling of an accomplishment that only she can give herself. Anyone can tell you to run real fast, pedal your bike hard, swim across the pool. Only Sherry can actually do that for herself in the end. It's really up to us to see that commitment we made to ourselves pay off. It's a very fine line between racing so hard we lose the joy, and racing hard enough that we do a good job AND can still love what we're doing. Sherry got that from that athlete she met on Saturday. I understand that because that's what I got from my coach, Jim. Only I didn't "get it" until mile 2 of my marathon.
Sherry wrote that she hopes that man could find out what a difference he just made for her. I bet she'll get to tell him. I've been trying to find a way to tell my coach those very words without sounding like a crazed stalker. And crying....lol. Maybe he'll read this and "get it". At least he won't have to run a marathon to figure out that I think he's an awesome coach. He won't get a subliminal message at water table 2 that he made a huge difference in my running. That because of his coaching methods he has created a runner who loves to run, who does stop to smell the flowers along the way and who will be running for a very long time.
I do have a competitive streak in me too, I do plan on meeting a few goals, two of which are running a faster 5K and BOSTON. But you can bet I'm gonna have a good time along the way to getting there. Thanks to my coach Jim AND myself.
Showing posts with label my story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my story. Show all posts
Monday, May 5, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
My Story (long post)
I started this post talking about waking up on the morning of the LaMarque Run, but it's turned into my story. I wasn't planning on being this personal but since I was bitten by the dog I've found myself reflecting so much. I've met some wonderful people since I started running and many have asked what got me started. I usually just say I went to the gym and met Jim the wellness coach and blurted out my desire to do a marathon. I've only told 2 people part of the story I'm telling here. It's not a big deal really, but it's a big deal to me.
When I woke up on Saturday morning at 5:30 for this race, I almost went back to sleep. I worked until 12:30am Friday night, didn't even get to sleep until about an hour after that. My leg was throbbing and I wasn't even out of bed. I lay there thinking about all the people I've talked to over the months. The injuries they've had and races and goals they'd missed. Having to learn which pains to treat with rest, which were part of conditioning. My doctor told me that, yes, this bite will be painful, but I would not hurt it worse by running. I'm going to jump back 2 years and give out a little info on how I got to where I am now.
I had ignored some pains a couple years ago, not realizing I had two serious problems going on. I had been having lower abdominal pain off and on since my son was born, about 9 years ago. It usually ached all the time, sometimes it hurt a lot and other times I'd be on the couch all day. Most of the time I'd ignore it and take some Tylenol. I never mentioned this to my doctor, don't ask me why. By the time I moved to Florida, it was getting worse. Sharper pains lasting longer. I still ignored it for 2 years. My husband told me to go see the doctor, I put it off. Finally I stopped telling him when it hurt. I was busy, I had "stuff" to do. Around the end of August 2005, I was getting headaches. They didn't feel like migraines so I started taking Excederine, twice a day. I was not feeling well at all. I wasn't eating either. I didn't have an appetite so I didn't notice this either. I had a few bites of food here and there, nothing substantial. Within 2 weeks I was only getting dressed on the days I had to work, otherwise I was in jammies on the couch. I was in constant pain by that point. One day, late in Sept I was having a great day, feeling a lot better and decided to walk over to get the kids from school. It's just 2 streets over. I got dressed and off I went. Half way there I realized I had to hold my pants up. They were falling off! I knew I weighed about 148 back in August, this was weird but I felt kinda good about it. When I got home I hopped on the scale. I weighed around 125. I was THRILLED! But wait....how'd THAT happen??? My husband told me to go to the doctor. I shrugged it off and went on with my life. But by the end of Sept it got even worse. I could barely stand straight. My throat hurt, stomach hurt, my head was pounding. I went to the doctor. I love my doctor. He's very gentle, he has a relaxed personality that just puts people at ease. He's kinda cute too...LOL!!!! Anyway....I told him what I just wrote here. He looked in my throat, it was very red, he touched my stomach and I almost hit the ceiling. It hurt so bad. There was not a spot on my abdomen that he could touch without hurting me. I was also down to about 118 by then. The doc told me to stop the Excederine, he gave me some Nexium saying it probably damaged my digestive system. He also sent me for bloodwork. Something came back questionable and he called me with an appointment to see 2 specialists. My doctor told me the bloodwork showed something abnormal and he wanted an upper and lower GI series (OH YAY).The other doctor I'd be seeing was an oncologist. I know exactly what an oncologist is. I lost one of my Grandmothers to cancer in 1993. She had breast cancer twice, 20 years apart and we lost her to lung cancer. Still makes me cry, I miss her so much. My other Grandmother had uterine cancer 11 years ago. She had a hysterectomy and I'm very, very lucky to still have her today. She is cancer free!
I listened to my doctor on the phone, he said not to worry, the doctor I was seeing was the best and would take care of everything. I pretty much was silent (which does not happen often) and the next day I saw this new doctor. When he came in, I just cried quietly. I was so scared. He calmed me and said he wanted to check my abdomen. He pressed and it still hurt everywhere. He said my pancreas was enlarged, my uterus was enlarged and with the blood work he got from my doctor, he wanted me to see a gyno and he took more bloodwork. 2 days later, I was having an ultrasound at the gyno. My uterus was as big as a 4-5 month pregnancy. There were masses in there. He told me he wanted to do a hysterectomy the next day. I would keep my ovaries though. I freaked. I said no. I wanted to talk to my doctor first. I made the appointment for the surgery a week away and went home to call my doctor. My doctor told me if I were his wife or Mother, he would want me to have the hysterectomy. Ok then. I trust my doctor.
During all this I saw a GI doc. He explained the Excederine was aspirin based and I had taken too much. It didn't help that I took it on an empty stomach too. The GI series was scheduled the day before the hysterectomy.
So the results of both procedures pretty much came back all at once. NO CANCER! And the bloodwork even came back all normal. Turns out I had poisoned my pancreas from too much Excederine, burned my entire GI tract along with it and I had Adometriosis, which is another form of Endometriosis. By now I weighed 101 lbs. I had to start eating with small amounts 4-6 times a day. Eventually I could eat normally again and now I've gained about 25 lbs back. My stomach still hurts now and then. I have had a couple days that kept me from running but nothing too bad. I'm an expert at ignoring most pain....lol. The bulk of the recovery process from the surgery and the stomach/pancreatitis took a good 4 months. By the end of January, I was a whole new woman. I look back sometimes and I can't believe I lived with so much pain for so long. I see how lucky I was that it wasn't cancer.
Now for the part that lead me to running...
I heard somehow, somewhere, that Disney was doing a marathon for cancer. I had 3 reasons why I wanted to be a part of that marathon. I lost one Grandmother, I have another Grandmother who was a survivor and for myself because I got a scare and was lucky enough not to have had cancer. I told my husband about the marathon, I didn't give the reasons, just said I wanted to run a marathon in September, this was April. He laughed. The dirty rat!!!! LOL I told my daughter Kerri. She laughed. Hmmmmm....I told my other daughter Kirstin. She was rolling on the floor laughing. I was not amused, however.
KIM: I don't see what's so funny guys.
BOBBY: You don't even walk to the mailbox Kimmy (he calls me Kimmy when he's trying to tell me something I won't like but still be affectionate)
KIM: Yes I do. It's at the end of the driveway. (but I thought about how I really pull up to the mailbox when I come home, instead of parking the car and walking down the driveway)
KERRI: Mom, you used to drive to Karen's house when we lived in Plymouth.
KIM: Yeah, well Emily was an infant and I had a lot of stuff to carry.
KIRSTIN: Mom, she lived across the street, and she had a daycare. You only had Emily and a diaper bag.
KIM: Yeah, whatever....(but I knew they were right)
Ok, so it's been determined that I'm not the most active person in the family. Or in Florida. But I'll admit their reaction, though justified, made me give it up. Meanwhile, Bobby kept mentioning that I should join the YMCA. He'd been working out for a while (and was looking HOT may I add) Finally one day last October on his day off he took me to the YMCA to find out about joining. I met Lynn and Kelly at the desk, they talked to me about the classes offered and the weight room. They told me after I signed up, the wellness coach would show me the equipment and tell me how to use it all, etc. I came back the next day by myself and signed up. I walked into the gym and met Jim, who did explain everything to me and that's was when he asked me if I had any goals.....the whole time I was telling him I wanted to get in shape and have more energy, the marathon was on the tip of my tongue. I thought to myself, "this man does not know me, I wonder if HE would laugh if I said I wanted to run a marathon?" I took a deep breath and kind of blurted it out. He did not laugh. In fact, he said I had time to train for the Grouper Run in March! He had no idea what he had given me. That one little spark of confidence resurfaced in that instant. He told me the runner's club meets on Friday mornings at 10:15 and invited me to run. I thought I'd better tell him I don't really exercise much. Or at all. Ever. He didn't even hear that. He said if I really wanted to do it, I could. By the time I got home, the spark was a bonfire. I was on a mission. I was going to run a marathon. Jim said I could, and I believed him. Most of the time.
I have had many, many days where my self confidence took a plane to California. Any negative comments would set me back. When I was feeling that way, I'd mention it to Jim and he'd immediately remind me I had the power to do anything. His favorite saying is "You are your own captain". That works for me, I love being the boss!!! So now when I'm feeling like I can't do it, or I don't feel like doing it, I tell myself the captain never abandons the ship. The captain takes responsibility for the ship in smooth sailing AND during a storm. Just like me. My body is my ship and I'm taking it to Sarasota in March to run in that marathon.
When I woke up on Saturday morning at 5:30 for this race, I almost went back to sleep. I worked until 12:30am Friday night, didn't even get to sleep until about an hour after that. My leg was throbbing and I wasn't even out of bed. I lay there thinking about all the people I've talked to over the months. The injuries they've had and races and goals they'd missed. Having to learn which pains to treat with rest, which were part of conditioning. My doctor told me that, yes, this bite will be painful, but I would not hurt it worse by running. I'm going to jump back 2 years and give out a little info on how I got to where I am now.
I had ignored some pains a couple years ago, not realizing I had two serious problems going on. I had been having lower abdominal pain off and on since my son was born, about 9 years ago. It usually ached all the time, sometimes it hurt a lot and other times I'd be on the couch all day. Most of the time I'd ignore it and take some Tylenol. I never mentioned this to my doctor, don't ask me why. By the time I moved to Florida, it was getting worse. Sharper pains lasting longer. I still ignored it for 2 years. My husband told me to go see the doctor, I put it off. Finally I stopped telling him when it hurt. I was busy, I had "stuff" to do. Around the end of August 2005, I was getting headaches. They didn't feel like migraines so I started taking Excederine, twice a day. I was not feeling well at all. I wasn't eating either. I didn't have an appetite so I didn't notice this either. I had a few bites of food here and there, nothing substantial. Within 2 weeks I was only getting dressed on the days I had to work, otherwise I was in jammies on the couch. I was in constant pain by that point. One day, late in Sept I was having a great day, feeling a lot better and decided to walk over to get the kids from school. It's just 2 streets over. I got dressed and off I went. Half way there I realized I had to hold my pants up. They were falling off! I knew I weighed about 148 back in August, this was weird but I felt kinda good about it. When I got home I hopped on the scale. I weighed around 125. I was THRILLED! But wait....how'd THAT happen??? My husband told me to go to the doctor. I shrugged it off and went on with my life. But by the end of Sept it got even worse. I could barely stand straight. My throat hurt, stomach hurt, my head was pounding. I went to the doctor. I love my doctor. He's very gentle, he has a relaxed personality that just puts people at ease. He's kinda cute too...LOL!!!! Anyway....I told him what I just wrote here. He looked in my throat, it was very red, he touched my stomach and I almost hit the ceiling. It hurt so bad. There was not a spot on my abdomen that he could touch without hurting me. I was also down to about 118 by then. The doc told me to stop the Excederine, he gave me some Nexium saying it probably damaged my digestive system. He also sent me for bloodwork. Something came back questionable and he called me with an appointment to see 2 specialists. My doctor told me the bloodwork showed something abnormal and he wanted an upper and lower GI series (OH YAY).The other doctor I'd be seeing was an oncologist. I know exactly what an oncologist is. I lost one of my Grandmothers to cancer in 1993. She had breast cancer twice, 20 years apart and we lost her to lung cancer. Still makes me cry, I miss her so much. My other Grandmother had uterine cancer 11 years ago. She had a hysterectomy and I'm very, very lucky to still have her today. She is cancer free!
I listened to my doctor on the phone, he said not to worry, the doctor I was seeing was the best and would take care of everything. I pretty much was silent (which does not happen often) and the next day I saw this new doctor. When he came in, I just cried quietly. I was so scared. He calmed me and said he wanted to check my abdomen. He pressed and it still hurt everywhere. He said my pancreas was enlarged, my uterus was enlarged and with the blood work he got from my doctor, he wanted me to see a gyno and he took more bloodwork. 2 days later, I was having an ultrasound at the gyno. My uterus was as big as a 4-5 month pregnancy. There were masses in there. He told me he wanted to do a hysterectomy the next day. I would keep my ovaries though. I freaked. I said no. I wanted to talk to my doctor first. I made the appointment for the surgery a week away and went home to call my doctor. My doctor told me if I were his wife or Mother, he would want me to have the hysterectomy. Ok then. I trust my doctor.
During all this I saw a GI doc. He explained the Excederine was aspirin based and I had taken too much. It didn't help that I took it on an empty stomach too. The GI series was scheduled the day before the hysterectomy.
So the results of both procedures pretty much came back all at once. NO CANCER! And the bloodwork even came back all normal. Turns out I had poisoned my pancreas from too much Excederine, burned my entire GI tract along with it and I had Adometriosis, which is another form of Endometriosis. By now I weighed 101 lbs. I had to start eating with small amounts 4-6 times a day. Eventually I could eat normally again and now I've gained about 25 lbs back. My stomach still hurts now and then. I have had a couple days that kept me from running but nothing too bad. I'm an expert at ignoring most pain....lol. The bulk of the recovery process from the surgery and the stomach/pancreatitis took a good 4 months. By the end of January, I was a whole new woman. I look back sometimes and I can't believe I lived with so much pain for so long. I see how lucky I was that it wasn't cancer.
Now for the part that lead me to running...
I heard somehow, somewhere, that Disney was doing a marathon for cancer. I had 3 reasons why I wanted to be a part of that marathon. I lost one Grandmother, I have another Grandmother who was a survivor and for myself because I got a scare and was lucky enough not to have had cancer. I told my husband about the marathon, I didn't give the reasons, just said I wanted to run a marathon in September, this was April. He laughed. The dirty rat!!!! LOL I told my daughter Kerri. She laughed. Hmmmmm....I told my other daughter Kirstin. She was rolling on the floor laughing. I was not amused, however.
KIM: I don't see what's so funny guys.
BOBBY: You don't even walk to the mailbox Kimmy (he calls me Kimmy when he's trying to tell me something I won't like but still be affectionate)
KIM: Yes I do. It's at the end of the driveway. (but I thought about how I really pull up to the mailbox when I come home, instead of parking the car and walking down the driveway)
KERRI: Mom, you used to drive to Karen's house when we lived in Plymouth.
KIM: Yeah, well Emily was an infant and I had a lot of stuff to carry.
KIRSTIN: Mom, she lived across the street, and she had a daycare. You only had Emily and a diaper bag.
KIM: Yeah, whatever....(but I knew they were right)
Ok, so it's been determined that I'm not the most active person in the family. Or in Florida. But I'll admit their reaction, though justified, made me give it up. Meanwhile, Bobby kept mentioning that I should join the YMCA. He'd been working out for a while (and was looking HOT may I add) Finally one day last October on his day off he took me to the YMCA to find out about joining. I met Lynn and Kelly at the desk, they talked to me about the classes offered and the weight room. They told me after I signed up, the wellness coach would show me the equipment and tell me how to use it all, etc. I came back the next day by myself and signed up. I walked into the gym and met Jim, who did explain everything to me and that's was when he asked me if I had any goals.....the whole time I was telling him I wanted to get in shape and have more energy, the marathon was on the tip of my tongue. I thought to myself, "this man does not know me, I wonder if HE would laugh if I said I wanted to run a marathon?" I took a deep breath and kind of blurted it out. He did not laugh. In fact, he said I had time to train for the Grouper Run in March! He had no idea what he had given me. That one little spark of confidence resurfaced in that instant. He told me the runner's club meets on Friday mornings at 10:15 and invited me to run. I thought I'd better tell him I don't really exercise much. Or at all. Ever. He didn't even hear that. He said if I really wanted to do it, I could. By the time I got home, the spark was a bonfire. I was on a mission. I was going to run a marathon. Jim said I could, and I believed him. Most of the time.
I have had many, many days where my self confidence took a plane to California. Any negative comments would set me back. When I was feeling that way, I'd mention it to Jim and he'd immediately remind me I had the power to do anything. His favorite saying is "You are your own captain". That works for me, I love being the boss!!! So now when I'm feeling like I can't do it, or I don't feel like doing it, I tell myself the captain never abandons the ship. The captain takes responsibility for the ship in smooth sailing AND during a storm. Just like me. My body is my ship and I'm taking it to Sarasota in March to run in that marathon.
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