April 2, 2009

I haven't posted in a while because I have a few issues that I was (am) not sure anyone would want to read about in a running blog. I think I'm at the point where I am ready to put it out there because I am becoming too sad to hold it all in anymore. I find myself getting very, very angry when the sadness kicks in. I decided that if something this serious was happening to any of you out there, I would want to know. Of course I would want to know. I have posted about some of it, not realizing it was all connected so you may know more than I realize. (Or even remember talking about)

I have friends here (in real life!) who know some of what's going on. I haven't poured it all out since I have not been diagnosed yet. I try to explain why I've been missing my beloved yoga class but the sadness and fear of the words keep me from saying too much. Mary Anne, a friend from yoga, asked me yesterday, point blank why I'm not posting. I told her there is a possibility that I could have MS. After the class I really thought about Mary Anne.

Mary Anne, thank you for caring. I know I haven't seen you too much these days, but I'll miss you when you go back to Michigan.

Last June, during the Endurance Project training runs, I had some serious bladder control issues. Sometimes I would lose total control, most times I could stop it when I realized it was happening and there are times when I feel like I need to go SO BAD and nothing happens at all. That has not gone away. Gyno says it's a keigal issue even though I had complete control during the test. So no changes there.

Same time, I noticed my eyesight had changed overnight. I went from perfect vision to everything being blurry. It kinda came and went over the next few months. I ignored it for the most part, I am a very busy woman ya know! Anyway, by March my husband had been listening to me complain enough to tell me to see a doctor. I went last week or so. My vision is worse in one eye. The letters were moving even though the page was taped to the wall. I could not focus, but the doc said all I need is reading glasses. (I got pink ones with little hearts on them...so cute) Then he dialated my eyes and found glaucoma with 60% cupping. One eye worse than the other. I asked if that's why my eyes hurt. He said no. Glaucoma causes blindness WITH NO SYMPTOMS!!! I urge everyone to go for an eye exam. It's common and can be treated!!!! I have an appointment with an opthamologist Friday morning for the full exam. I will not go blind.

Also in June during training, my quads were feeling very fatigued. After 2 miles, I could barely run. My feet were (are) numb and tingly, shooting pains go from toes to knees. I was in training for that FCA Half marathon and refused to give in to these things. I missed a couple races. We did a trail run that I found to be very painful and also noticed during that trail run that I couldn't feel my foot placement. The pull back on my right leg started becoming weak by then and is still a major problem. I started needing recovery time from a mere 4 mile run. I figured I was over training. I basically ignored it.

I started falling. I even cut my toe pretty bad and never felt it. This is what made me call my doctor in February. (prompt attention, I know) I had been feeling dizzy, disconnected, confused, problems holding pens and writing. My hands and lower arms are numb and tingly now too. I was tired but unable to sleep. When I called my doc, his nurse told me to go to the ER. I asked if I could just come in and see him first, she refused. I was scared, but I didn't feel I needed to go to the hospital. So I called my kids' doctor's office and spoke with HIS nurse. She told the doctor why I was calling and he told me to come in at 8am the next day. I wasn't even his patient. I am now though.

Dr "R" examined me, poked my feet with a needle and then had me walk around. He asked a buncha questions and asked me if I knew what MS was. All I knew was Montel has it and is walking, Annette Funacello has it and is in a wheelchair. Oh!! And I also knew I wanted NOTHING to do with it personally. Dr "R" knows I run. We just looked at each other for a minute, I was shocked and scared, he was concerned. He told me I only felt half of the needle pokes. Numbness in both feet. He set me up with a nuerologist. I posted about him a while back. He did a sensory test, nerve conduction, EEG and an MRI of my spine. He said I have a lesion on the left front lobe in my brain, complex seizures, sensory malfuntions and nueropothy. Then he told me I couldn't run. When I cried, he asked me if I got paid to run and when I said no, he kinda shrugged his shoulders. Like "oh well". As I left that office, I stopped at the desk and canceled my next appointment. I have not been back, but I promised Dr "R" I would go if/when he tells me to. But I'm still mad. The nuerologist never did the MRI of my brain, only spine. Dr "R" found that to be odd, but says we will get one.

So since that appointment in Februray, things have been happening. The pain muscle fatigue and numbness comes and goes. No rhyme or reason. I had been running until about 10 days ago. I tried to run yesterday with Reg (my Canadian friend) but it took me 14 minutes to go one mile, and I had to stop midway. It felt like I had 20 lbs weights attached to my limbs. I was exhausted. Reg and I walked the 3 miles, he didn't leave me. I am still exhausted. Last week I was in bed for 3 days. I had to call out at 2 of my jobs because I just didn't have the energy to move. My left ear started hurting at that time too. Still kills. Dr "R" saw some fluid behind the eardrum and gave me some meds but it hasn't gone away.

The right side of my face went numb and twitched for about 5 hours a few weeks ago. That hasn't happened again. Every muscle in my body twitches, tightens and feels fatigued. I have a headache all the time. It hurts to sit, stand or lie down. My feet constantly go into a cramp. When I walk, I feel like I'm trudging through the snow with a wet blanket on me. I don't recognise people, I forget their names and I worry that people think I'm crazy. I feel crazy. At times, I wish I was crazy.

Yesterday at work, my supervisor asked me to add a person into a program. It did not work, so I tried it 50 times thinking I was screwing it up, afraid to tell her I couldn't do this simple task! After a half hour, I went and got her, telling her I couldn't do it. Trying not to cry. She knows everything and has been wonderful, helping me without ever saying a word. She tried to enter it and there was a glitch in the program! It wasn't me!!! I was so happy...lol.

I waitress 2 nights a week too. I cannot remember a simple drink order. I write down EVERYTHING and still get confused. My manager asked me if I was "for real" one night because I couldn't remember what came with a certain sandwich. I've worked there for over a year. I finally told him what's going on last Saturday. He is being very supportive. The people I work with are too.

So now I will see an MS Specialist up in Tampa. Dr "R" is getting everything together. He told me they'll probably want a PET scan. I looked up some info on diagnosing MS and have learned I'll probably be having a spinal tap too. I am so so so scared. I hate feeling like this. I'm tired of being tired. My family is so wonderful, I am lucky.

I'm going to take a break from running the rest of this week. I'll plan on a run Sunday. See how it goes. Dr "R" says to continue with exercising and running when I am able. It's very important. I don't enjoy yoga anymore. It's too painful and it upsets me when I'm unable to do most positions. I'll try it again next weekend though.

Well that's where I'm at now. I'm sorry this was a complaining post, but thank you for the opportunity to let it all out.

See you all soon.

Venice St Patty's Day 8K

My running habits have become a little erratic. I'm lucky if I get out there twice a week these days. That being said....I ran my 1st 8K last weekend!

I didn't even know there WAS an 8K. It's like 4.96 miles. Weird, but I'm game! A ton of people showed up for this race. I've said it before, I'll say it again....I just L-O-V-E being with these running people! They come out of the woodwork to race! Where are they all when I'm all alone, wishing I could find someone to run with????

Even Chuck showed for this one, I still think it was for the green beer....LOL

Anyway, I decided since this was my 1st 8K and no matter what I'd be PR-ing, that I just wanted to finish it in under 45 minutes.

And I did! My finish time was 44:52....LOL. Reg came in at 40:50 and Ed finished in like 36 minutes!

I was moving along at a steady pace when Tina went by me. I kept her in my sights and finished about 30 seconds behind her! At the end of the race I came side to side with an older man who I basically ran the whole race with. We took turns passing each other. When the finish line came into sight I asked him if he wanted to do a little sprint finish. I told him my coach always told me to finish strong. He said that was funny...his coach told him the same thing, only it was 30 years ago! We laughed and took off. I think he let me win because I did make it over the finish line 1 second before him. What a sweetie!!!

After the race we went and had a little breakfast. And green beer. We went to hear the awards and guess what??? I made 3rd place in my age division! I'm very happy!!

I'm not sure when I'm racing again. I need to check the schedule.

Thursday Run

This week has been busy between work, meetings and a sick little boy. Robby is back to feeling wonderfully full of life, but now I have his sore throat. Better me than him though!

After the Gasparilla 15K last weekend (you remember...the race I ran with RYAN HALL), the first chance I had to run was Thursday. I was still recovering for a few days anyway, but it felt like it had been FOREVA since I ran!

I met Reg at the gym at 9:30 and we picked the residential neighborhood with the nice paved road for our start. While we held a nice 9-9:30 pace we chatted about the race and the week. Both of us are very happy with that race. Reg's race photos came out AWESOME, mine make me look fat...blah!

Reg had a little visitor at the house he's renting for the winter here. It was a 5 foot long Black Racer snake. Yumminess. Reg was NOT pleased....LOL...I can't blame him. Those snakes eat Canadians!!!! HA!! He got it out of the house, but not before the snake whispered "I'll be back while you're sleeping." LOL..just kiddin'

Now Reg has a tv that's turning itself off and on at odd times...niiiiiice! I wonder what the ghost's name is..... It's safe to say Reg's visit to Florida has been eventful. I don't think he'll forget THIS particular visit. Not that I'd let him.

Anyway, we came out of the residential and decided to run the block too. We ran 5 miles in 44 minutes and walked back to the gym for the cool down. Very pleasant run, as usual. Reg is only here for 5 more weeks. I will miss him!! I am going to strive to pull off a 25 minute 5K before he leaves. How's that for being optimistic??

After Thoughts Of The Gasparilla 15K

This post is an updated race report. There may be some repeats!!!!

It's been 3 days since the race and I'm still pretty thrilled! I also found out that Ryan Hall ran it too! So I can say I ran a 15K with Olympian Ryan Hall. Ok, so I didn't actually run WITH him, but I saw him fly past when I was at about mile 3-4. He was approaching mile 8....LOL.

The crowd was screaming as he ran past, but I thought they were yelling because the first wheelchairs were coming in. Little did I know, the blue and black blur racing past was Ryan Hall. He finished in 43 minutes, right about when I was hitting the half way point. Very exciting stuff!

Here are the results from the race page. I feel very good about these numbers!

Age: 42 Gender: F
Distance 15K
Clock Time 01:26:54
Chip Time 01:25:08
Overall Place 1671 / 4204
Gender Place 554 / 2055
Division Place 68 / 268
Age Grade 57%
Pace 9:08.0
Half 0:41:12

I had to go into this race with a different state of mind. I trained for distance from the start of my running. That included hitting the water stops with a 30-60 second walk break. The training runs I did with Reg had a few rough spots. I realized that every time I stopped for one of these breaks my legs were so fatigued and crampy that it was very difficult to get going again. Even in a 3 mile run! Reg suggested I try to run through it, not stop for the breaks. It went against EVERYTHING I believed in. Walk breaks were a part of my distance running. But things have changed. My feet and legs needed a new approach.

A few days before the race we had a 3.25 mile easy run. Not even 2 miles out I could feel the usual problems. I told Reg I thought I needed to walk already. He looked over at me and didn't say anything. Normally at this time I would walk. I decided to try to see how far I could get. I started thinking about what I'd be wearing to the race, the size of the expo, Bondi Bands!!! I stopped thinking about my legs and feet. Next thing I knew we were done. Reg was right, I needed to just run straight out, no stops. Could I do that for a 15K???

I stood at the starting line, Reg and I talking to the people around us for awhile. It occurred to me that this might be my last decent distance race, I have accepted I won't be doing any more marathons. This race was the test. I promised myself at that precise moment to try not to stop at all. What did I have to lose? Worse case scenario was that I'd stroll over the finish line at a 17 minute pace. Best case was I'd get a new PR.

Away we went. We dodged fellow runners, walkers and parked cars. We stayed together, our pace changing with the availability of space and finding those spots we could jump into. We found a steady crowd doing our 9 minute pace at about 2-3 miles and stayed with them for a mile or so. At the 4 mile marker I was sweaty and feeling like I was ready for a water/walk break. As I came up on the water table I slowed to take a cup and instantly decided NOT to walk. Try running while sipping water. I almost laughed! I slowed to about 10:30 pace for that but caught back up to Reg, back in the 9 minute pace.

My right foot was cramped up. Can I please catch a break, just for today????? The sharp pains in my quads said no. I said to myself...."Self, is that a favorite song on your iPod"?? Why yes self, it sure is!!!! I put my eyes on the man in front of me, letting my feet keep up with his tempo. Glancing at my Garmin we were at a 9 minute pace. Cool! I let my mind wander back to the man I was following and my music and I felt lighter.

By the time I saw the 7 mile marker, I started to worry about holding this pace. I also realized I had lost the man I was behind and Reg was getting further away from me. Garmin said I was still at the 9 minute pace, so Reg had sped up. I saw him looking for me, I could see him, but he had lost me. Too many people for him to be looking behind. I was kinda glad because I didn't want to hold him back. Being able to keep him in my sights for the mental support was awesome though.

By mile 8 I was hurting. Once again I lost myself in my music and the person in front of me. It was harder to do the meditation-type thing by now. I pictured myself at the end of one of our 3 mile runs. Mind over matter does help! Next thing I knew, I was in sights of the finish line. Relief took over and I felt that shot of adrenaline. I sped up a little, just wanting to be done. I had lost sight of Reg by then, but I knew he'd be at the finish.

I almost knocked someone over getting across that line. I yelled out SORRY!!! But I was sooooo relieved to be done. Relieved and very happy. With a new PR of 1:25:08!!

So here's where I'm at now. The 15K is going to be my marathon. It's a decent distance, it's a chance to compete at a different level than the 5K fun runs and it still requires some training. I love the training part.

Running the Gasparilla 15K taught me something about endurance. Endurance isn't just running a marathon. It's overcoming the obstacles life can throw at you. When life throws you lemons, don't just make lemonade....jump over that lemon tree.

To the lemons, I say....I WIN!!!

Stop The Presses!!!

I made a little mistake. Doesn't happen often, but it happened today. I took the two minutes off from my Garmin, not the clock.

Gasparilla 15K results post has the wrong finish time!!!!!!

My REAL finish time is 1:25:08. Still a 15 minute shave so I'm ok with this minor infraction.