Yeah, it's about me, of course. Last January I was taking off the nail polish on my toes when I realized my big toe on the right was black. The nail I mean. I was horrified. I was worried. I didn't want to lose my toenail. I quickly repainted it and pretended it was just fine. I kept painting over it, staying in denial. I do that sometimes. It's how I roll. I'm "Queen Of Da-Nile". I figure if it isn't something that causes me to think about it 24/7, it's not worthy of my obssession. I moved on. I forgot about it.
About a month ago, I woke in the night because that very same toe was KILLING me. Just for the sheet to be touching it hurt. The pressure was unreal. I did what I usually do. I ignored it best I could and tried to go back to sleep. It was tough, but I have experience in this kinda thing. In the morning I'd forgotten all about it. It wasn't hurting anymore. Ok, whatever.
WELL...fast forward to last night. I was watching tv, minding my own business when I rolled around on the couch enough to catch my toe in the quilt. I felt a funky tug. I felt a little unsure about taking a look. I guess you could say I KNEW what I was gonna see. I slid my hand down to my foot. Nice and slow. Like it would make a big difference. I tapped a bit, not at all liking the sensation. Which was NO SENSATION. It didn't hurt at all. I was a little nervous. I was a lot torn. I thought it would be a painful thing, losing a toenail. Then I thought....well, it's a dead thing. Dead things don't hurt.
I pondered this point of view while I felt around at my toe. Trying to feel SOMETHING, ANYTHING. I just wanted one little sign the inevitable was not happening. My curiosity got the best of me. I got up and turned on the light. Got back on the couch, got comfy again. Started watching Larry The Cable Guy talk about some very redneck stuff. Pretended I didn't care that I could possibly be losing my toenail. But I was not convincing myself at all. I just knew. My toenail was gonna be coming off.
I pulled the quilt back off me. I pulled my foot up close to my face. Which BTW, is so easy since I've been doing yoga. I had a very clear view of said toe. It was (yeah, was) dark maroonish painted. Perfectly shaped and sculpted. Matched all my other toes uniformly. Then I did the unthinkable. I gave it a little pull. To my HORROR, it lifted way too far up to be able to pretend it would be ok. Except for the very bottom at the nail bed, it was NOT attached. I was scared. I was worried. I was sickened. I was intrigued. Yeah, I know, weird, but true. Like when you're on the highway and you're passing an accident. The whole 15 miles you are travelling at 10 MPH and bitching about the rubberneckers and thinking you'd just fly on by without looking but then when you do finally get to the scene you rubberneck right along with the rest of 'em. Yep, just like that. I had to look. So I did.
Oh my. Yikes. I didn't like this at all. But I couldn't stop playing with it. I flicked it while I watched Larry The Cable Guy. Took about 20 minutes before I felt it not return to that original "clicky" place. Oh no. I had to look again. It was SO not attached. So I did what you're probably thinking you'd have done long ago. But you don't know that for sure. You need to walk a mile in my Asics before you go judging me. Anyway, I gave it a yank. It came off. It looked so weird to be off my toe and in my hand.
I examined it closely. It freaked me out. I was pretty upset. But then I thought....HEY...I wonder if that guy needs anymore of these for his necklace?????? Problem was, what the heck was I gonna do with it while I found out that bit of information??? This was about midnight last night. My family would not understand. I got up and threw it in the trash. Then I leaned down and stared at it for about 5 whole minutes. Then I covered it with a paper towel in case someone came by and saw it there. Went back to the couch and played with my naked toe for about an hour. By the time i was headed for bed, I had convinced myself my toe looked just fine without a nail. By morning, i was not as easily fooled.
It looks awful. My husband, of course, wanted me to take a picture of it and post it here. No. I would not do that. If I haven't posted a picture of me in a bikini after working out and dieting for 2 months, I most assuredly will not be posting my toe here. Even though my toe is sexier than me in a bikini. Ha....whatever, the world may never know......
Today, I am pleased to report, my toe is fine. No pain. It looks awful but nothing a little artistically placed nail polish won't hide. Actually, I have a fake fingernail that fits my toe perfectly. I may glue that bad boy on tonight, we'll see. I'm just so glad it doesn't hurt!