Saturday, December 20, 2008

They Call Me...."Grace"

And that's because I don't have any. Grace, that is. All my life I've tripped over nothing, fallen off sidewalks, and flown through the air without an airplane. I've been on crutches, limped so many miles and have had so many bruises from banging into things that my husband is worried people will think I'm in an abusive relationship.

One time I took Bobby's bike for a ride. I forgot my feet were locked into those cagey things and slammed on the brakes as I hopped off said bike. Only to realize the bike was attached to my body and not ready to let go. Kim and bike went flying through the air, landing on a picnic table and sending cookies, chips and drinks helter skelter. My father-in-law turned to my husband and said "Kim should not be around things where there's a chance she could get hurt". And then he yelled at me for spraining my hand. That's his way of letting me know I am loved. This all happened 12 years ago in front of our entire families.

Since then, I've had multiple injuries and this was all before I ever thought about running. My step-father used to call me Grace. I've been taking yoga classes twice a week for a year now and I was just thinking about how awesomely balanced I've become. I hardly ever fall these days.

Alas...I spoke too soon. Wednesday I was walking and whacked my foot on who-knows-what. I never felt anything, but I felt something wet and sticky on my sandal. I looked down and saw blood pouring out of my baby toe! Once I washed it off I could see the top of my toe was not attached too well. I bandaged it and it actually doesn't even hurt. I can wear my sneakers just fine. It looks bruised and black now, but no pain when I run.

Friday at the gym, I had a class and grabbed two 10 lb weights in one hand, hot chocolate in the other. (I know, you're wondering what the heck I was doing drinking a hot chocolate before an exercise class. I like hot chocolate, that's why) I stepped off the stage I hit a treadmill with my left foot and was flying through the air. This is not too remarkable in my daily life goings on, but the 20 lbs of dumb bells and a piping hot chocolate seemed like it could pose a new problem. Especially since I had a killer grip on the hot chocolate. Which was in a styrofoam cup.

In the split second before I hit the ground, I let go of both the weights and hot chocolate, hoping to stop my head from crashing into the wall, which is made of brick. The weights are all metal and made a TERRIFIC clang when they hit the wall doing 90 MPH. Hot chocolate spewed everywhere but on ME (small miracle). All I could think of was I'd hit my head, be knocked unconscious and pee myself in front of 50 people. All people I know, of course.

When I did come to a complete stop, I was unsure if I really did hit my head or not. I've been hurt at times when I didn't realize it for a few minutes till the pain became unbearable. Was this one o'those times?? No. I was ok. I have rug burns on my knees and my whole body is aching, but I did not get a concussion or pee myself. My body is wicked sore today but I lived!

As if that were not enough, I was on a long run with Chris this morning and as I was running along on my merry way, I once again had the feeling of being airborne. It's a familiar feeling. I looked down and saw concrete. I pictured my already scraped and bruised knees and thought it would be horribly painful to land on those again so soon. So I propelled myself (yeah, I'm a pro at falling) toward the left, which was grass, and twisted enough to land on my right side. This sent me into a semi-roll/tumble, but my knees were SAFE! My pride was NOT. Chris didn't see me fall, but came up on me while I was laying in the wet, just cut grass trying not to cry. Nothing was hurting any worse than it was when I started the run, but I was just D-O-N-E at that moment. My pride is more bruised than anything. I got up and ran the rest of my 5.5 miles and then decided I wanted to go home. My knee was achy anyway.

I have a Christmas party tonight. I was planning on wearing a sexy dress but I think I need to cover my legs with a dark pair of tights. I'm so sore all over.

I'll take some pics of my new injuries later. You'll just L-O-V-E these.


Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

I don't believe you. I think Mr Kimsrunning does beat you.

I'm calling the authorities.

Don't pee on them when they get there. I hear they hate that.

In a week or two, perhaps we'll see Mr. Kimsrunning on an episode of "Cops". Tell him not to wear a shirt because the guys without shirts are always the ones who make it on the show. Guys in shirts end up on the cutting room floor.

Which is probably where you'll be, Kim, after tripping over something on the way to see the first edit of the show.

Take care. Way to protect that knee! which is, of course, The Prime Directive.

Mr. KimsR. said...

I think we can find you a nice pink hockey helmet to match your asics. When the bicycling portion of triathlon training starts, you should consider wearing full hockey unifrom and pads, this may slow you down a bit but at least you will finish. I will drive the support vehicle, (an ambulance) directly behind you.

KimsRunning said...

LOL GQ! My husband has never even raised his voice! Besides, i can take him anyday....hahaha!!!

And Bobby, my dear husband, just for that "pink helmet" crack, you are gonna get it. LOL

Melanie said...

OMG girl! There's no post yet this morning, i'm hoping your high heels weren't too high last night at your party, and you managed another tumble! LOL. this post was too funny, but i managed not to pee. :D stay safe!

Nitmos said...

Are you sure you want to go to that xmas party? There are probably knives and forks there...

Hope you survived!

Sherry said...

Oh, Kim... if all of these things didn't happen to you, well, you wouldn't be YOU! ;p

While I was reading the part about the weights/hot chocolate fiasco, all I could think of was if that had been "me" I would have been overly concerned the entire way down about spilling the drink and making a mess! Forget my head! LOL! Insane, right?